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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26766994">I Didn't Know How to Tell You 'I Love You'</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesteys/pseuds/Lesteys'>Lesteys</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adults, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, College, Elementary School, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Enemies to Friends Again to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Gay, High School, M/M, Mild Language, Miscommunication, Oblivious, Panic Attacks, So So Much Gay, but they're gay idiots, penpals au, they're idiots, very gay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:20:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,136</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26766994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesteys/pseuds/Lesteys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which there are a lot of misunderstandings on the rocky road to Kuroo and Kenma becoming friends (and maybe more).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>103</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Didn't Know How to Tell You 'I Love You'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A huge thank you to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/greywarenangel">Angel</a> for beta reading/editing for me!!! Love ya!!! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In primary school, Kenma was assigned a penpal named Kuroo. Kenma loathed the idea of having to interact with someone else, and the fact that he had to physically write letters only added to his irritation. What was the point of talking to someone halfway across the country that he’d never meet? He probably wouldn’t even get along with whoever his penpal was. At least they only had to send each other a couple letters for a month or two; then his assignment would be finished and he’d never have to talk to ‘Kuroo’ again.</p>
<p>At least, that’s what Kenma thought. The first letter he had sent Kuroo had been pretty basic; Kenma shared only what he had to to appease his teacher: his surname (Kozume), his age (7), two of his hobbies (gaming and gaming, he doesn’t have any other hobbies he can really think of), his favorite food (apple pie), and something he dislikes (people).</p>
<p>Kuroo’s letter is pretty similar to Kenma’s, short and curt without a word or punctuation in excess. Kuroo shared the same information Kenma had, and Kenma learned that Kuroo was 8, liked gaming and volleyball, preferred his mackerel pike salted and grilled, and shared his distaste for people in general.</p>
<p>In his next letter, Kenma was allowed to say whatever he wanted, and the same went for his penpal and all of their subsequent letters as long as they exchanged at least five total letters a piece. Kenma decided he’d talk about a few of his favorite games in his next letter, mainly Metal Gear, and risked asking Kuroo about volleyball. He wasn't sure what exactly compelled him to go out of his comfort zone by asking a question of Kuroo. Maybe it was because he could relate to Kuroo’s introverted tendencies, or maybe it was their shared love for video games, or maybe it was just the general vibe that Kuroo gave off in his letter. In any case, that one question would impact his life more than his seven-year-old mind could ever imagine.</p>
<p>In Kuroo’s following letter, he responded in kind, talking about his favorite video games (one of which also being Metal Gear) and, in response to Kenma’s question, outlining the game known as volleyball. Kuroo seemed to be a bit more open and passionate in the part of his letter that was about volleyball, so much so that he seemed to put extra effort into explaining the intricacies of the game. He even went so far as to list off a few big games that were coming up and when those games were, just in case Kenma wanted to watch them—which he didn’t, obviously.</p>
<p>But Kenma’s actions betrayed his own thoughts when he wound up watching at least one (definitely more) of the games that Kuroo suggested. He didn’t know why he chose to watch the game. Maybe Kuroo's enthusiasm was endearing at the time, or maybe he just wanted some other way to connect with Kuroo, who, Kenma was coming to realize, was probably his only ‘friend’ at that point. Either way, Kenma did watch a few volleyball games, and that was the subject of his next letter. He analysed the players’ actions, theorized their thought processes, and created strategies for playing with or against each team. He did all this with the same approach he would take with video games, because if he was going to learn about a game, he was going to be the best at it. Wanting to impress his newfound friend had absolutely nothing to do with it—or at least, that’s what he told himself</p>
<p>Kuroo’s response letter this time was mostly about Kenma, surprisingly enough. Kuroo spent most of his letter gushing over how good Kenma would be at playing volleyball, especially as a setter. This made Kenma a little proud of himself, but he also wasn’t sure being compared to a sports player was the highest of compliments. The remaining portion of Kuroo’s letter was about how he wanted to play volleyball himself, and the types of combination attacks they could do if they ever played together. Kenma thought that was a bit strange, since they likely would never meet, but oddly enough he didn’t cringe at the idea of exercising or spending time with someone else if it was with Kuroo. Kenma chose to actively ignore that thought, though; he didn’t have the slightest clue what it could mean.</p>
<p>The fourth letter Kenma wrote to Kuroo was a little more personal than the last. Kuroo was starting to become more and more interesting with each letter, and Kenma wanted to learn more about him. What was his favorite color? What was his favorite animal? Did he watch anything other than volleyball? What were his favorite types of video games? Kenma’s list of questions could go on, but he didn’t want to put too much pressure on Kuroo and accidentally push him away, so he stuck to only a few of the smaller questions he came up with. He also mentioned in his letter a little bit about another recent volleyball game, as he’d started watching them of his own volition, if only sporadically. Hopefully having a pleasant topic to write about would outweigh the potential discomfort Kuroo might feel at being asked so many questions.</p>
<p>Kuroo responded to this letter with surprising enthusiasm. It seemed that talking about volleyball made him comfortable enough with Kenma to answer all of his questions, and even ask a few of his own (to Kenma’s dismay). Regardless, Kenma was glad to learn a bit more about his friend, as he was now comfortable calling Kuroo. His favorite color was yellow, his favorite animals were cats, he watched a lot of documentaries (because that’s what his grandparents watched), and he liked games with a lot of action or shooting.</p>
<p>Kenma’s last required letter mostly just answered Kuroo’s questions. His favorite color was black, his favorite animals also happened to be cats, he didn’t watch much television (he was too busy playing games), and he liked any games, but he especially enjoyed playing puzzle-type games. Kenma tried not to be disappointed that this was probably the last letter he would send to Kuroo, but it was hard not to be upset about losing contact with his only friend.</p>
<p>When Kenma received his last letter from Kuroo, he put off opening it. He was a little scared that opening this letter would make losing Kuroo forever feel real. He didn’t want to read the last sentence of the letter that would inevitably say goodbye and leave a hole in his life that he didn’t know existed before. Kenma finally managed to force himself to read the letter after three days of internally debating over whether he should leave it unopened for the rest of his life. The majority of the letter was what Kenma’s come to realize as pretty typical for Kuroo; some interesting recent events in Kuroo’s life and the like, but the last paragraph surprised Kenma. In it, Kuroo requested that they keep talking, even though they didn't have to anymore. Kenma hadn’t thought of that, and quickly realized that Kuroo had been waiting for a return letter for three days already, so he immediately set to work writing another letter to Kuroo.</p>
<p>For the next couple years, Kenma and Kuroo continued to exchange letters about their lives and become the best of friends, despite the distance between them. Eventually, they exchanged emails and started talking to each other that way. Kenma encouraged Kuroo to play more volleyball, and even to join a team when he got to high school. Kuroo helped Kenma with some of his schoolwork and  basically tutored him in subjects he didn’t understand. Kenma kept Kuroo up to date on the most recent game releases, and Kuroo told Kenma all about volleyball practices and their games.</p>
<p>Kenma ignored the slight pang of jealousy at learning about Kuroo’s new teammates and friends, and instead tried to be happy for him, but no matter how desperately he wanted the best for Kuroo, he couldn’t help the small part of him that wished he were playing volleyball on a team with Kuroo instead. This was when Kenma finally realized he had romantic feelings for Kuroo, his long-time long-distance friend.</p>
<p>In an attempt to forget how unrealistic a relationship with Kuroo would be, Kenma started to be a little more outgoing. Not with other students, of course, but he began to offer to run errands for teachers and began doing more in school than he had to, which is why, one day in his last year before high school, he was at his area’s high school dropping off some papers for one of his teachers.</p>
<p>On his way to the school gates, he passed the school gym and bumped into someone. They must have been from a different school, because their volleyball sports jacket was red, and Kenma’s school’s volleyball team colors were blue and white. The boy he ran into was tall and had an angular face, which his black hair fell messily in front of. ‘He’s kinda hot…’ Kenma thought. He quickly shook his head to clear it and took the boy’s offered hand to stand.</p>
<p>“Sorry about that, I didn’t see you with how short you are,” the boy said with an impish grin.</p>
<p>Kenma looked down with a frown. ‘Definitely not hot,’ he thought out of spite.</p>
<p>“Kuroo, we’re starting the next set!” a voice called from inside the gym, at which the boy, allegedly named Kuroo, waved and jogged back to the gym, his toothy smile never leaving his face. As he left, Kenma caught the rest of the writing on his jacket: Nekoma Volleyball Club.</p>
<p>That night, Kenma decided to look into highschool volleyball matches a bit more, starting with Nekoma. He found a few recorded games online and watched them, studying the players on the team, but none of them were the Kuroo guy he met earlier—not that he was looking for him. This Kuroo must have been a first year, then. Kenma distantly thought that this was strangely coincidental to his friend Kuroo, who was also a first year, but he just shrugged the thought off. The Kuroo he knew must live somewhere further away, definitely not close enough to justify practice matches with his school.</p>
<p>Kenma continued to keep tabs on Nekoma’s games and watched what kind of players were on their team. He absolutely did not pay extra attention to Nekoma Kuroo (who happened to be a pretty reliable player, despite being a first year). He also started to watch the games of other nearby highschool teams, including his own school’s.<br/>As Kenma became further and further entranced by the world of volleyball, he and his friend Kuroo (who he decided he was going to call ‘Kuro’ to differentiate him and the Nekoma Kuroo) started talking about the game even more. Kuro focused on how well different team members worked together while Kenma liked to analyze and strategize based upon observations he’s made about the teams. Had the two been nearer to each other and been able to play together, they would be nearly unstoppable. Alas, that could never happen.</p>
<p>During the break before Kenma started high school, he began thinking about joining the volleyball team. If both his and Kuro’s teams did well enough, maybe they could end up meeting each other during a tournament. On top of that, he might be able to meet Kuroo and befriend him, too. Kenma was unsure and, as he did with almost all of his problems, he asked Kuro for advice. Kenma didn’t specify why he wanted to play volleyball, exactly, but Kuro probably assumed that he had just become more interested in the game (which, in truth, he had). Kenma intended to leave it that way, too; Kuro didn’t need to know about his potential crush on Kuroo yet, especially since Kenma didn’t exactly understand it himself.</p>
<p>Kuro, ever the supportive friend he was, encouraged Kenma to join his school volleyball team when he could, and he even gave Kenma a few pointers for actually playing volleyball. Kuroo must have come to the conclusion that they could meet at some point because of volleyball, too, because he promised he’d work hard to get better at the game and that Kenma should as well. Kenma, on the other hand, encouraged Kuro to talk to and befriend his teammates, despite the voice in the back of his mind shouting for him to keep Kuro all to himself.</p>
<p>As soon as school started up again, Kenma applied to his school’s volleyball team. He made it on, but it wasn’t exactly what he had expected. Practice was grueling because he wasn’t used to being so physically active, and his older teammates often brushed their duties off onto the younger members. Kenma complained endlessly about the volleyball club to Kuro, but despite his grievances he truly enjoyed playing volleyball. Kuro appeared less than impressed by the actions of Kenma’s upperclassmen, but he reassured Kenma that not all volleyball clubs were like that. He even went so far as to claim that if he was Kenma’s team captain he would stop it from happening, not that that would ever happen. Kenma was oddly amused by this, but he didn’t want to upset Kuro so he didn’t mention the parts of volleyball club that he didn’t particularly like anymore and their daily idle conversations fell back into place, consisting mostly of Kuro talking about how amazing his volleyball club was and Kenma telling Kuro about the newest games, with random life updates scattered throughout their conversations.</p>
<p>A few weeks into the year, Kenma’s school went to a training camp held by Nekoma, at which Kenma would more than likely have to meet, talk to, and potentially practice with Nekoma Kuroo. Needless to say, Kenma was a little bit nervous, but he couldn’t ask Kuro for advice. They had never broached the topic of romance, and Kenma was not going to be the person to initiate that conversation. So, Kenma did what any other reasonable introverted teenager would—he deferred to Google. After a few hours, a couple ‘Do you have a crush?’ quizzes, and many blog posts and magazine articles, Kenma came to two conclusions. First, the internet is full of shit. Second, he should listen to whoever he’s interested in and let them talk about their interests while asking encouraging questions and retaining what information he could, to use at a later date. With that in mind, Kenma mentally prepared himself on the bus ride to where they’d be training.</p>
<p>Kenma was jarred awake as the bus pulled into a parking space. He must have fallen asleep during the ride there. He gathered his things as his teammates filed off of the bus and followed shortly after the last of the other boys, keeping his head down and his hair around his face while his eyes darted from each unfamiliar person to the next. Once his and Nekoma’s teams had been introduced, they all headed toward the gym to start practicing. Kenma trailed a bit behind the small clusters of friends talking and smiling. Meanwhile, he had been mentally matching the information he had of each Nekoma player with their faces when someone dropped back from their group and fell into step next to Kenma.</p>
<p>When Kenma looked up, he had to school the look of shock on his face at seeing Kuroo offering him a small, welcoming smile. The mediocre cameras used to record the games that he’d been in did the taller boy absolutely no justice, in Kenma’s opinion. In person, the blond could see his impossibly white teeth, the way his eyes showed sincerity and interest, and the curiously smooth-looking texture of his incredibly messy hair. As Kenma continued to take in Kuroo’s facial features, his smile morphed into one much more smug than before and Kenma finally realized he had been staring. He quickly turned away, choosing to instead focus on the cracks in the pavement they were walking on.</p>
<p>“I thought you might be shy, but I guess not,” Kuroo teased.</p>
<p>Kenma refused to acknowledge the comment clearly meant to provoke him, opting to continue walking and kicking a pebble he found. Kenma stopped when he saw a pair of feet facing his own, one holding in place the rock he had been aimlessly kicking. As he looked up, he came face to face with Kuroo again. This time, Kuroo’s face held an apologetic smile and his eyes held genuine remorse.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have teased you like that. Let’s start over. I’m Kuroo.” Kuroo offered his hand for a handshake, which Kenma hesitantly accepted.</p>
<p>“Kenma,” Kenma mumbled. He’d started going by his first name since the way his upperclassmen used honorifics bugged him.</p>
<p>After shaking hands, the two boys stepped into the gym, heading their separate ways to practice with their respective teams. The first day of training ended up being relatively uneventful for Kenma after his short interaction with Kuroo. His team spent most of the day working on their receives and serves while the other teams were arriving. Throughout the day, a few random scrimmages were played between different teams and their members, and Kenma kept an eye on the scrimmage court whenever he could. By the end of the day he was pretty sure he could pin at least the position of each player there. When he wasn’t taking receives or watching the scrimmages, Kenma stole brief glances toward Kuroo, who looked even more attractive while playing volleyball, he admitted to himself.</p>
<p>In the evening, everyone ate dinner together. Most of the players fell into their typical cliques within their teams again, but some opted to intermingle and make new friends. Kenma fit into neither of those categories, instead, he chose to sit at the least occupied table and eat his food in silence, up until he was interrupted by the light clack of plates being set on the table and the shuffle of people sitting down. Kenma looked up from his food and his gaze fell upon Kuroo sitting down at his table with a shorter boy with light brown hair.</p>
<p>“Mind if we sit here?” Kuroo asked after settling into a chair.</p>
<p>“It’s a little late to ask that, moron,” the brunette, not yet seated, replied before turning to Kenma. “Sorry about him. Can we sit here?”</p>
<p>Kenma slowly nodded in response, turning back to his meal. After a few seconds of somewhat uncomfortable silence, Kuroo nudged Kenma.</p>
<p>“So, what do you think of the training camp so far?” he asked.</p>
<p>Kenma shrugged, pushing his meat around his plate with his chopsticks. The short brunette spoke up again after an exasperated sigh.</p>
<p>“And it’s too early to ask that, Kuroo.” He shook his head before turning to Kenma to speak again. “I’m Yaku, it’s nice to meet you.”</p>
<p>“Kenma,” was all the reply he got.</p>
<p>“So, what position do you play?” Kuroo butted in.</p>
<p>Kenma replied with a quiet, “Setter.”</p>
<p>Yaku shook his head. “I get you’re shy, but to make friends, you have to talk. Kuroo here was a complete hermit when he first joined the team, but look at him now. He’s as obnoxious as he wants to be.”</p>
<p>Kuroo made a sound of offense and protest before huffing slightly. “I suppose he’s not wrong about the first part, but to improve my skills and work better with my team I had to get to know the members of the club.”</p>
<p>Kenma sighed before speaking up. “I’m a setter. What positions do you two play?”</p>
<p>“That’s better! Yaku’s our libero and I’m a middle blocker.”</p>
<p>Kenma thought back to the articles he read and made a mental note of what position Kuroo played before asking, “What do you like to do other than play volleyball?”<br/>Yaku, having picked up on the fact that his job as wingman was fulfilled, wordlessly left the table, probably on his way to join some of his other teammates.<br/>Kuroo scratched the back of his neck. “Uh… Well I suppose I’m a bit of a science nerd… I especially like chemistry if I’m being honest…”</p>
<p>Kenma nodded and looked at Kuroo, hoping he’d continue speaking, but he obviously wasn’t getting the clue, so Kenma spoke up again. “What… kind of chemistry do you like?” Kenma asked hesitantly.</p>
<p>Kuroo gave him a mischievous grin in return and answered, “Interpersonal,” with a wink.</p>
<p>Kenma rolled his eyes and turned away from Kuroo in annoyance. It obviously wasn’t to hide his blush behind his hair, because there was no blush to hide. Obviously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kuroo laughed and just nudged Kenma’s shoulder as he stood up with his dishware. “See you tomorrow, Pudding.”</p>
<p>Kenma sat in stunned silence for a few minutes, giving himself time to fully digest the situation he’d just lived through, before he realized the nickname Kuroo gave him. Pudding. It must have been in reference to his partially dyed hair, but it felt almost intimate to him for some reason. He was probably overthinking things, but in the moment he let himself bask in the strange happiness the nickname gave him.</p>
<p>That night when the teams had some downtime, Kenma texted Kuro about the tall handsome guy he met and was trying to befriend. Kuro texted him back right away, exclaiming how he’d met a cute guy that day, too. They spent a few minutes texting back and forth before they both had to go to sleep.</p>
<p>Over the next few days of the training camp, Kenma spent more and more time training with Kuroo. They’d become pretty good friends, and Kenma knew quite a bit about Kuroo now, despite not having shared much about himself. The second to the last day of training camp during a break for lunch, while Kenma was texting Kuro, he suddenly remembered that he was going to need some help with his classes when he got back to school. Specifically, he knew he’d need a lot of help with his science class. Since Kuro had been helping him with his schoolwork, he brought it up in his next text. Kenma asked if Kuroo was any good at science, and Kuro responded promptly that, not only was he good at science, he was top of his class in the subject. He also mentioned in passing that his favorite part of science was chemistry, and suddenly everything fell into place in Kenma’s mind. Of course it wasn’t a coincidence that he happened to befriend two Kuroos. With how few people he even talked to, it was extremely unlikely for him to even like two Kuroos. And both of those Kuroos played volleyball? Of course they were the same person. They had both focused on the relationship between team members to strengthen their team, too. Kenma felt like an imbecile.</p>
<p>A second revelation suddenly overcame Kenma as he was mentally combining his two different perceptions of Kuroo. He had a small crush on both of them before, but now it had merged into being one big crush on a handsome, tall, charming, silly boy that he’d been best friends with for almost as long as he could remember. </p>
<p>Holy shit. </p>
<p>Kenma needed time to process this, but first he needed some way to make sure what he was thinking was correct. Kenma sent a quick text to Kuro and kept a close eye on Kuroo. Sure enough, Kuroo pulled out his phone and, as soon as he put it away, Kenma received a text. Kuroo was Kuro, and Kenma was done for.</p>
<p>Kenma spent the rest of the training camp doing his best to avoid Kuroo without being too obvious about it. At some point, Yaku approached him and questioned why he hadn’t been talking to Kuroo, but Kenma brushed it off as being introverted (not a lie) and needing to recharge his ‘socialization battery’ (also not a complete lie). Yaku must have bought it, because after that Kuroo didn’t push too much to try and talk to him. Kenma also cut back on his texts to Kuroo, responding only when necessary and to say good morning or good night. This continued even after the training camp ended, although now Kenma messaged for homework help, too. He played off his lack of communication as him spending more time and effort practicing volleyball, and Kuroo seemed to buy it, at least for a little while.</p>
<p>Kenma should’ve known that Kuroo wouldn’t leave it at that forever. After a few weeks, Kuroo became impatient and sent Kenma a message out of the blue asking what team he was on. Kenma cringed when he read the message. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep the secret much longer now. His team and Nekoma had a practice match together in a few days, and Kuroo would definitely want to meet up at some point. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much Kenma could do at this point, so he resigned himself to his fate and told Kuroo which school’s team he was on. Kuroo responded with excitement that he knew that team and that his team had a practice match with them. Kenma responded less enthusiastically that it was a small world after all, and this spurred Kuroo on. Kuroo sent quite a few messages in quick succession in response explaining that he was on Nekoma’s team, and, as expected, that they should agree on a meeting spot near the gym for after the match so that they can at least see each other. Kenma reluctantly suggested for them to meet outside the back doors of the gym after their match and Kuroo agreed, marking the beginning of the end for Kenma.</p>
<p>The day of the practice match Kenma was a bundle of nerves. He couldn’t focus in class and he was even less social than usual. Kenma didn’t even respond to Kuro’s texts with more than one word at a time. The later it became, the more Kenma worried. Would Kuroo be upset with him? Would Kuroo even figure out that Kenma already knew who he was? Would Kuroo be disappointed that it was him? What if Kuroo stopped talking to him? What if Kuroo completely shut him out? What would Kenma do then? Kenma’s head swam with all the questions and what-ifs he could think of until he was jarred back to the present by the sound of the last bell, signifying the end of Kenma’s last class of the day and the beginning of the most grueling practice match of his life.</p>
<p>The practice match went relatively smoothly, despite Kenma’s nerves. Kenma didn’t play much, considering he was still a first year, but he got to watch Kuroo play quite a bit. Kenma was a bit underwhelmed by Kuro’s abilities. He hadn’t improved much since the training camp, though Kenma supposed he hadn’t gotten much better himself, so who was he to judge? </p>
<p>It was almost as though they’d both started losing sight of their reason to strive to be the best player they could sometime between the training camp and the practice match. Kenma ruminated on this for a good while, and before he knew it, the practice match was over. He took a deep sigh and stood, grabbing his towel and water bottle and heading out the back gym doors while everyone else was distracted between cleaning up and socializing with other players.</p>
<p>Kenma sank to the ground and slumped against the wall of the gym as soon as he got outside, eyes trained on the ground in front of him while his thoughts raced at a million miles a minute. Kenma closed his eyes and took a moment to calm his breathing and relax—the last thing he needed in this situation was a panic attack. When he opened his eyes, there were two feet where he had previously been staring. Kenma cringed slightly before he slowly raised his head to take in Kuro’s expression, anticipating a negative response from him.</p>
<p>Kenma was pleasantly surprised to see Kuro’s eyes come alive with recognition and happiness at seeing who Kenma was.</p>
<p>“It’s you!” Kuroo excitedly cried.</p>
<p>Kenma didn’t know how to respond. He hadn’t been expecting Kuroo to be excited to see him. Kenma wracked his brain for an appropriate greeting, but came up blank and simply muttered out a flat, “Yeah.”</p>
<p>This was obviously not the way Kuroo was expecting him to react, because his face became crestfallen for a moment before it changed to an expression of realization, then anger and something else Kenma couldn’t quite place.</p>
<p>“You knew…” Kuroo scoffed with an accusatory tone. “You knew and you didn’t say anything.”</p>
<p>Kenma let his head drop and hid his hurt expression behind his hair. He didn’t think Kuro’s anger would hurt him this much. All he could manage was a choked out, “Sorry.”</p>
<p>Kuroo was less than satisfied with Kenma’s response and let out an exasperated laugh that sounded almost mocking. “How long do you know? Is that why you gave your first name instead of your surname when we met?” Kuroo chuckled resentfully. “What, was I not cool enough? Did I not live up to your pro gamer nerd expectations?”</p>
<p>Kenma tried to cut in and explain, but Kuroo stopped him as soon as he opened his mouth.</p>
<p>“No. You don’t get to defend yourself,” Kuroo snapped. “You had weeks to tell me, and you didn’t. You know what? Fuck you. Fuck. You. I’ll become a better volleyball player than you could ever hope to be, and you can sit there and ‘analyze my strategies’ all you want. You’ll never be better than me, I’ll make sure of it.”</p>
<p>With that, Kuroo turned on his heel with a sneer and headed back into the gym while Kenma was left with a hollow feeling in his chest and a sharp pain in his heart.</p>
<p>When Kenma recovered from his mini-crisis it was well past time for everyone to head home. Luckily, Kenma had a spare gym key for when he was the last one left cleaning up. Kenma morosely gathered his things and locked up the gym before he trudged home.</p>
<p>After he got home, Kenma solemnly took his letters from Kuroo off of his desk and tucked them into the bottom of his last desk drawer. The drawer slid closed with a muted thunk that echoed with finality in the hollow of Kenma’s chest and Kenma finally let his tears flow freely.</p>
<p>Kenma awoke the next day with a tear-stained face and determination in his heart. After thinking it over, Kenma swore he would get even better at volleyball and prove himself to Kuroo, then maybe they could be friends again. As Kenma began his daily routine, he grabbed his phone off of his nightstand and his determination immediately wavered—no text from Kuroo. It was lonely to wake up to an empty inbox after receiving good morning texts every day for the last few years. Kenma steeled his resolve and set his phone back down before getting ready for school and heading to morning practice with more fervor than ever before.</p>
<p>Throughout the rest of the week, Kenma and Kuroo didn’t speak at all. No texts, no calls, no mail, nothing. One day after practice, though, Kenma checked his phone and saw a message from Kuroo.</p>
<p>Kuro- How did your test go today?<br/>Kenma- I thought you weren’t gonna talk to me?<br/>Kuro- If you failed it means I failed to teach you. Just tell me how it went.<br/>Kenma- I got 93%<br/>Kuro- Good.</p>
<p>Unbeknownst to him, Kenma had a small smile on his face and his heart was lighter for the rest of the day.</p>
<p>For the remainder of the year, Kenma pushed himself harder than ever in volleyball practice. He developed new feinting techniques and got better at predicting attacks. He focused his efforts on being able to cater his sets to the other members of his team, and it paid off. By the end of the year, Kenma was an excellent, reliable, and flexible setter. Not only that, but Kenma’s grades had been steadily improving. Kuroo resumed tutoring Kenma over text, saying that he didn’t want Kenma’s failure to reflect poorly on himself, and Kenma started to really try to do well in order to impress Kuroo. </p>
<p>If these were going to be the only interactions he had with Kuroo for the time being, then he was going to make the most of them. Kenma and Kuroo didn’t end up meeting each other again before their summer break, either, which was a huge relief. Kenma didn’t know what he’d do if he saw Kuroo in person again, and not having to worry about it for a while was a weight off of Kenma’s shoulders.</p>
<p>Kenma’s peace was shattered when he learned that his family would be moving just before school began. Not only that, but the nearest school to their new house would be Nekoma. Kenma would have to be on the same team as Kuroo if he wanted to continue playing volleyball, and that sent Kenma into a spiral of anxiety and other unpleasant emotions. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be on a team with Kuroo, but more that he was afraid that they wouldn’t get along well or that Kuroo would still be angry with him, despite his willingness to tutor Kenma. So, as was becoming a strange habit for him, he just didn’t tell Kuroo.</p>
<p>The first day back at school, Kenma woke up much earlier than necessary. His body was still used to having to wake up for morning practices—which he didn’t have at the moment—so he spent his extra time thinking over whether or not he’d apply to the volleyball club or not. When he couldn’t make a decision, he started to mull over the many different scenarios in which he could run into Kuroo at school. What would he do if he saw Kuro? How would Kuroo react to seeing Kenma? Kenma had a lot of questions and no answers. Eventually, Kenma’s phone alarm rang out notifying Kenma of the time. On his walk to school Kenma came to the conclusion that he’d just avoid Kuroo at all costs and decide later what he’d do about volleyball.</p>
<p>Kenma made it through the first four days of school without running into Kuroo. He had to hide in the crowd of students to avoid Kuroo a time or two, but as far as Kenma knew Kuroo was still blissfully unaware of Kenma’s presence in Nekoma. During Kenma’s free time, Kenma played video games. Because of how much extra time he had, Kenma sped through almost all of his games right away and managed to replay a couple of them.</p>
<p>On his way to school on Friday, Kenma decided that he’d finally suck it up and apply to the Nekoma volleyball club. Throughout the day, Kenma was filled with anxiety and anticipation for what was to come, and by the time the final bell rang Kenma could hardly stand without shaking with nerves. He took his time gathering his school stuff and waited a minute to look over his club application again before carefully slipping it into his school bag and heading out of the classroom.</p>
<p>Kenma stared at the doors to the gym for what felt like hours before bracing himself and heading toward what was bound to be a disastrous situation. As soon as the doors opened, half of the team members in the gym turned to stare, and Kenma froze in place for a second. He noticed Yaku in the group of boys before timidly speaking up, trying to avoid Yaku’s searing glare. Kuroo must have told him about their situation.</p>
<p>“Um… I’m here to apply to the club…?” he mumbled, slowly pulling out his application and holding it up slightly. As soon as he did, he could see Kuroo emerging from behind a few other club members. Kenma could see a flash of emotion across Kuro’s face before he calmed himself and stepped up to Kenma. Kenma timidly shrunk into himself as his eyes flashed from the floor to Kuro’s eyes to his false smile and back again to the floor.</p>
<p>“I’m the captain of the team,” Kuroo began and reached for the application. “I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful addition to the team,” he said after looking over the application for a moment. “Practice is every morning before school and every evening afterwards. We look forward to seeing you Monday.” Kuroo then turned back to the team and resumed practice.</p>
<p>As Kenma walked home that night, he went over Kuro’s cordial tone and tense expression in his head. At least they could be civil with each other for practice, but they’d have to fix things between them before they could even begin working together on the court. Kenma’s mind wandered back to Kuro’s expression when he had first seen Kenma. He wasn’t an expert when it came to social interactions, but Kenma was pretty sure Kuroo had looked not only angry, but hurt. Why would he have felt hurt that Kenma was there? Wasn’t Kuroo angry with him? Kenma couldn’t seem to figure Kuroo out at all, and he gave up trying to in frustration.</p>
<p>A few hours later, Kenma’s phone exploded with messages from Kuroo.</p>
<p>Kuro- What the hell.<br/>Kuro- You moved to my school without telling me.<br/>Kuro- You joined the team without telling me.<br/>Kuro- What else are you not telling me, huh?<br/>Kuro- Do you just like messing with me?<br/>Kuro- Is that what this is to you?<br/>Kuro- Is this just a game to you?!<br/>Kuro- Unlike in your video games, you can’t just toy with people’s emotions and expect them not to be upset.<br/>Kuro- You’re fucking lucky our starting setter graduated this last year.<br/>Kuro- And just because we’re on the same team doesn’t make us friends.<br/>Kuro- You mind your business and I’ll mind mine, got it?</p>
<p>Kenma didn’t know how to respond to Kuro’s outburst, so he just didn’t.</p>
<p>Kenma had not been expecting what happened the next Monday. He got up and got ready for school like he would any other day, with the small addition of preparing for practice, before grabbing his things and heading out the door. As he began walking the route to school, he saw a tall silhouette somewhat ahead of him. After a few blocks of heading the same direction, Kenma sped up to try and identify the other person walking the streets at this ungodly hour. With any luck, maybe it would be someone from the volleyball team he could try to at least acquaint himself with.</p>
<p>Kenma should’ve known he wouldn’t be so lucky. As he got closer to the guy in front of him, he started to look more and more familiar, until Kenma recognized the impossibly messy head of hair. By the time Kenma registered that it was Kuroo in front of him, it was too late. Kuroo had already heard his footsteps and turned to see who it was.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell me we walk the same route to school,” Kuroo started with disgust. “I don’t want to have to deal with your lying ass more than I already have to.”</p>
<p>Kenma just turned his head and continued walking to school, pulling out his phone to distract himself from the extremely uncomfortable situation he was in. They walked the rest of the way to the school in silence.</p>
<p>Practice went smoothly both before and after school, but the walk back home did not. It was alright at first. Kenma was focused on some game or another and Kuroo was walking quietly a short distance behind him, but eventually they reached Kenma’s house, and he turned down the walkway to his front door. As he did, he heard a defeated groan coming from Kuroo.</p>
<p>“Perfect. Just fucking perfect,” Kuroo said sarcastically. “Of course you’d end up being my neighbor too. Why wouldn’t you be?”</p>
<p>Kenma was hurt by Kuro’s aggravation, but he understood why he was upset, so he kept his emotions in.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Kenma whispered before slipping quickly into his house. As soon as he reached his room, his composure crumbled and he devolved into pitiful sobs. For some reason, seeing his oldest and only friend and crush be so upset with him was finally getting to him, and Kenma didn’t know how much longer he could take it.</p>
<p>As the days passed by, Kenma and Kuroo continued to walk to and from school in relative silence. Occasionally Kuroo would warn Kenma of incoming poles or when he might trip on something, but besides that, they didn’t speak. Slowly, Kenma got more comfortable around the team and Kuroo seemed to be gradually letting go of his anger at Kenma for what had happened. Yaku was much less kind, but even he seemed to be easing up on the hateful glares and sharp remarks.</p>
<p>As Kuroo began to forgive Kenma, he started to talk to Kenma during their walks to and from school. Well, he talked at Kenma. Kenma still wasn’t quite comfortable enough to talk back to Kuroo yet. The more days passed, though, the more talkative Kuroo became. Eventually, he started asking questions and Kenma had no choice but to respond. The sun rose and set and with each new day Kenma became a bit more verbal on their walks. The closer Kuroo and Kenma became, the stronger they became as a team on the court, too, and at some point they became friends again without realizing it. Kenma didn’t even notice their slow transition until one day Kuroo asked if he wanted to come over to study. From then on, The two spent even more time together. They spent more time at each others’ houses more often and the hours they were together ultimately lapsed the time they spent apart.</p>
<p>By the time the end of the year rolled around, the two were practically inseparable, their friendship even stronger now than before, and they knew each other better than they knew themselves. Kuroo could tell when Kenma was uncomfortable in a social situation or guide him gently and wordlessly away from dangerous poles while they were walking. Kenma could tell when Kuroo was thinking up some plot to irritate Yaku or when someone’s comment on his hair genuinely got to him. They could even communicate with each other through facial expressions, nearly reading each other’s minds at times. But there were still times when Kenma had no clue what Kuroo was thinking. One such instance happened to be about a week before the end of the school year; a week before Kuroo would be graduating.</p>
<p>It was a Friday, and Kuroo had been acting strangely all day. He seemed to be lost in thought all the time, and when Kenma asked him what was wrong he brushed it off like everything was normal. They would be spending the weekend together at Kuroo’s house, so Kenma could always interrogate him about it then, but it didn’t mean Kenma was any less worried about him. On their walk home, Kuroo was oddly quiet. They didn’t have practice that Friday or the next week because of graduation, so it was still pretty early when they got to Kuroo’s. Kenma considered assaulting Kuroo with a barrage of questions on the walk, but something about Kuroo’s brooding face in the afternoon sun left Kenma speechless, so he kept his inquiries to himself.</p>
<p>Kenma found out what was on Kuroo’s mind later that evening while they were between video games. Kuroo spoke up out of the blue with a question that shook Kenma and left his heart racing.</p>
<p>“Why did you keep all those secrets from me?” Kuroo asked. As an afterthought, he clarified with, “Y’know, about who you were and when you moved. Why didn’t you tell me any of it?”</p>
<p>Kenma wants to say ‘Because I didn’t know how to tell you I loved you’, but before he speaks he composes himself and says, “Because I didn’t know how to tell you…” before trailing off, leaving something obviously unsaid, but Kuroo must have been satisfied with that answer for the time being, because he didn’t push Kenma for any more details.</p>
<p>Kuroo made a small hum of acknowledgement before he began to speak again.</p>
<p>“That makes sense, I guess…” he pauses briefly. “But why didn’t you tell me that when I got angry with you? I mean, you could’ve texted me and explained yourself…”</p>
<p>Kenma gave Kuroo a look before he replied.</p>
<p>“You didn’t exactly give me a chance, Kuro. Plus, you saw my people skills before we became friends. It’s not as though I’m especially good with words and feelings.”</p>
<p>Kuroo laughed a little with a small nod and said, “I suppose you’re right,” and they left the issue there for that night.</p>
<p>Kuroo was less distracted throughout the next week, but it was clear that something was still weighing heavily on his mind. Not wanting to cause any trouble, Kenma decided to let Kuroo deal with his internal struggles himself for the time being.</p>
<p>Graduation went well, and Kuroo smiled specifically at Kenma while he was on stage, almost as though he was challenging him to catch up. The break after that was bittersweet. The two boys got to spend time together without school restricting their time, but they both knew Kuroo would be moving to go to college before long.</p>
<p>The weeks of break passed by in a flash, and before Kenma knew it, Kuroo was packing up the last of his things to move to his dorm that afternoon. Kenma was helping Kuroo put the last of his things in boxes and sealing them up, or, that’s what he was supposed to be doing. In all actuality, Kenma was sitting in Kuroo’s room while Kuroo packed, and Kenma was too busy playing video games to help him. Kenma was mostly there because he wanted to spend as much time with Kuroo before he had to leave, but he would never admit that. Not that Kuroo minded; he wanted to spend his last hours at home with Kenma anyway.</p>
<p>Kenma was in the middle of a particularly complicated boss battle when Kuroo got to his last box, which was incredibly convenient for Kuroo, as he had something he wanted to leave as a surprise for Kenma at his house. So, despite there being ample tape in his kitchen, Kuroo exercised his meager acting skills.</p>
<p>“Shit! I packed up the tape,” Kuroo sighed with feigned frustration. “Could I borrow some from your house, Kenma?”</p>
<p>Kenma grunted in approval, too intensely focused on his game to formulate full sentences, so Kuroo quickly headed over to Kenma’s house, all the while nervously fiddling with the envelope that’s been burning a hole in his pocket since early that morning. When Kuroo got to Kenma’s house, he made his way to Kenma’s room and opened the drawer full of the letters he had sent Kenma in elementary school. Kenma had shown him where he kept them one of the times they were reminiscing on their cringy younger years, and Kuroo, ever the sentimental one, remembered where they were. He deftly slipped his envelope into the drawer on top of the letters before leaving the room and grabbing the packaging tape from the supply drawer on his way out of the house.</p>
<p>When Kuroo got back to his own room, Kenma had finished his boss fight and was laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling.</p>
<p>“Took you long enough,” he teased when he heard Kuroo enter the room.</p>
<p>Kuroo chuckled nervously while explaining himself.</p>
<p>“The tape was a little buried in the drawer…”</p>
<p>Kenma sat up with a frown.</p>
<p>“I was just teasing. Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“Of course! I’m just a little anxious about moving away,” Kuroo deflected, moving quickly to tape up the box. Kenma could have sworn he caught a small blush on Kuroo’s cheeks before he turned away, but that brought up more questions than Kenma had the emotional capacity to deal with at the moment, so he ignored his nagging thoughts about it.</p>
<p>After sealing the final box, Kuroo handed Kenma the tape and hefted the box into his arms. Kenma tucked the roll of tape into the pocket on his signature hoodie and held the doors open throughout the house for Kuroo as they made their way out to the car Kuroo was using to move. After Kuroo packed the box into the car and closed the trunk with a harrowing thunk, both boys just stared at the car, both unwilling to let each other go, but knowing they had to say goodbye at some point.</p>
<p>Kuroo was the first to break the silence as he pulled Kenma into an uncharacteristically affectionate hug.</p>
<p>“Promise me we’ll keep in contact?” Kuroo whispered into Kenma’s hair.</p>
<p>Kenma, still jarred from the sudden embrace, only nodded while hesitantly wrapping his arms around Kuroo in return.</p>
<p>“Promise me,” Kuroo repeated, and Kenma seemed to find his voice.</p>
<p>“I promise.” Kenma let go of Kuroo and nudged him a bit. “Now get going, you sappy loser.”</p>
<p>Kuroo gave Kenma a pain filled smile before climbing into the car and driving off to his new life as a university student.</p>
<p>Kenma stared after Kuroo long after the car disappeared over the horizon, not noticing his own tears until he felt one drop onto his hand. He quickly brushed the salty droplets from his face and rushed into his house, making a beeline for his room and immediately pulling one of Kuroo’s hoodies from his closet and curling up with it. It still smelled like Kuroo, and Kenma needed the comfort it provided. That night, Kenma fell asleep crying with his face buried in Kuroo’s hoodie.</p>
<p>In the morning, Kenma woke up red-faced and still just as depressed as the night before. Kenma wiped the sleep and leftover tears from his eyes and took off his own hoodie, slipping Kuroo’s on instead before sighing and sitting on the edge of his bed, quickly becoming entranced with his own thoughts, a vacant look occupying his face as he sat in mournful silence for the next few hours.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Kuroo anxiously began unpacking his boxes in his dorm room. Luckily, he didn’t have a roommate, so no one was there to question him when he eventually broke down in tears of his own. Why hadn’t Kenma texted him yet? Had Kenma not read the letter yet? Kuroo was sure Kenma would reread the letters for comfort once he left, so Kenma was certain to find it. Suddenly the worst possible scenario came to Kuroo’s mind: What if Kenma saw the letter and was disgusted with Kuroo? What if Kenma didn’t want to be Kuroo’s friend anymore? What if Kuroo had single handedly destroyed years of work and communication that built up into a beautiful friendship in just a few short sentences?</p>
<p>Suddenly, Kuroo couldn’t breathe and panic elapsed all rational thought. Kuroo knew what was happening from the amount of times he’d seen Kenma deal with these exact symptoms. He was having a panic attack, he knew that, but he had never imagined that they were so agonizing. Kuroo dragged himself to a box marked ‘Kenma’ and opened it, carefully moving aside pictures of the aforementioned boy and his letters from elementary school and pulling out a small plush cat that Kenma had won at a festival. They had gone to the festival together to hang out and Kenma had won the plush trying to prove that he was the best at any game, not just video games. Kenma had, predictably, won the game and gotten the cat plush as a prize, but didn’t care much for it, so Kuroo, being the tender soul he was, offered to take it because it would remind him of their time together at the festival.</p>
<p>By the time Kuroo had finished thinking back on the memory, he had calmed down considerably and could breathe relatively normally. Kuroo gave a small forced smile to the cat before setting it on a shelf where he would alway be able to see it. Before he could continue unpacking, however, he was startled by his phone’s text tone and was pleasantly surprised to see Kenma’s contact name appear on his phone screen.</p>
<p>Kenma, after recovering from his morose stupor, turned to Kuroo’s elementary school letters for comfort. When he opened the drawer he kept them in, however, he was shocked to find a new envelope on top of the stack of old letters. When he picked it up to inspect it, he noticed Kuroo’s much more developed handwriting on the back, reading ‘To: Kenma’.</p>
<p>When Kenma opened the envelope, a button came tumbling out and onto his desk which Kenma set aside for the time being, opting to read through the contents of the letter before even attempting to decipher the meaning of a random button in an envelope. The letter was pretty normal, albeit extremely sentimental. Its contents were composed mostly of words of encouragement and promises of Kuroo visiting whenever he could, and at the bottom it was signed neatly with ‘Kuroo Tetsurou’.</p>
<p>Kenma immediately began composing a text to Kuroo. Once again, Kuroo had given him a letter and Kenma was making him wait for a response, something that Kenma was not particularly proud of.</p>
<p>Kenma- Thank you for the letter, but what the fuck is up with this button???</p>
<p>After sending off that text, Kenma picked up the button to examine it more closely. It looked exactly like the buttons from their school uniforms, but why would Kuroo give Kenma a button? Much less a uniform button? Kenma sat for a moment wracking his brain for any information about buttons before realization finally dawned on him and his eyes blew wide. Kenma frantically scrambled to grab his phone and shoot off another sequence of texts.</p>
<p>Kenma- YOUR SECOND BUTTON???<br/>Kenma- WTF KURO???<br/>Kenma- WHY???<br/>Kenma- I’M CALLING YOU</p>
<p>Just as Kuroo was about to open the barrage of messages he had received from Kenma, his phone began to vibrate and Kenma’s face covered the screen. Immediately after Kuroo pressed ‘accept call’ Kenma’s voice exploded from it with more emotion than Kuroo had ever witnessed Kenma use before.</p>
<p>“What the hell Kuro?!” Kenma started. “Are you pranking me?! What’s this button supposed to mean?!?!”</p>
<p>“It’s my seco-” Kuroo was cut off.</p>
<p>“I know it’s your second button, moron, but why did you give it to me?! Why not that girl you always talked about from class B?! Why not someone in your year?! Why me?!” Kenma stopped asking questions only to take a breath before he continued in a much more subdued tone. “Are you just stringing me along? Did you know…?” Kenma essentially whispered. This last question was so quiet Kuroo had to strain to hear what he said, but Kenma’s voice was undoubtedly laced with uncertainty and fear.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re asking if I knew, but what I do know is that I’ve had a crush on you since we were kids. Both the real you and the one I only knew through a screen. That’s why I was so resentful of you when I found out you’d been concealing your identity from me. I tried to push you away; I tried to forget about you, but the more I tried the more you occupied my thoughts. And then you started going to Nekoma. And you joined the team. When we worked so well together on the court, I knew. I knew that there was no way I’d be able to let you go. That’s why I gave you my second button.”</p>
<p>Kenma could be heard sniffling quietly on the other end of the line before he spoke.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you tell me sooner…?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know how to tell you…” Kuroo stopped himself before he could finish his sentence with ‘I love you’.</p>
<p>Kenma laughed a little when he replied with, “I guess it was your turn to struggle with admitting something.”</p>
<p>After that, both boys devolved into laughing messes of relieved tears. When they both calmed themselves down, they sat on the phone in silence for a moment.</p>
<p>“So…” Kenma began. “Are we dating now…?”</p>
<p>“If… If you want to be…” came Kuroo’s uncertain reply. His voice was wavering, all precious confidence sucked away by those five words.</p>
<p>“I think… I think I’d like that.”</p>
<p>With that, a new relationship between the two blossomed. They spent the next year calling, texting, and visiting each other as often as possible. They tried to keep their relationship secret, but everyone they were close to could tell that they’d finally gotten together. Even their parents were quietly celebrating the fact that Kuroo and Kenma had communicated their feelings to each other at last, but there was something left unsaid between them still. Neither boy had said ‘I love you’ yet for fear of scaring the other away.</p>
<p>Eventually, the day of Kenma’s graduation arrived. Kuroo was there the entire time, and he was beaming with pride for his boyfriend. As Kenma received his diploma and stood on the stage, his eyes found Kuroo’s in the crowd. Both sets of crystalline eyes glossed over with tears of pride and hope for the future, and after the crowd was dismissed Kenma raced to find Kuroo and reunite with him for the first time in weeks. As soon as they reached each other in the crowd, Kuroo gave Kenma a brief hug before navigating them both through the mass of bodies and out into the schoolyard, where they hid in the shade of a large tree, just out of sight from everyone else. Kenma wasn’t a fan of PDA, so Kuroo had decided earlier that he’d pull him away for a few minutes after the ceremony.</p>
<p>Kuroo immediately pulled Kenma into a much more intimate hug once they were out of sight, which Kenma melted into with a large smile. When they broke away, they looked into each other’s eyes, both lost in adoration for one another and admiring the beautiful smile of their partner. The moment lasted until Kuroo tugged Kenma into another loving embrace, burying his face in Kenma’s hair.</p>
<p>“I missed you, Kitten,” Kuroo tearfully sighed.</p>
<p>Kenma retaliated with, “I told you to stop calling me that,” but his words had no real bite.</p>
<p>Kuroo pulled back to give Kenma a sweet kiss before they separated, and Kenma’s face mirrored Kuroo’s own: stretched with joy and filled with admiration for the man they love. After staring at one another for a long moment Kenma spoke up.</p>
<p>“Hey Kuro…” he trailed off, tearing his gaze from Kuroo’s and looking to the ground where he was scuffing his shoes nervously against the ground.</p>
<p>“Yes, Kitten?” Kuroo asked, using his knuckle to lift Kenma’s chin until they were making eye contact again. “What is it?”</p>
<p>“Well…” Kenma reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out a plain silver chain, from which dangled what appears to be a button. As a blush started forming on his cheeks, Kenma finished his sentence. “I have a gift for you.”</p>
<p>Kuroo’s brow furrowed for a moment, taking the chain as it was offered to him and examining the odd charm swaying in front of him. Realization flooded Kuroo’s face when he finally understood what exactly was on the chain—it was Kenma’s second button. Kuroo was overcome with delight and it showed, settling Kenma’s nerves.</p>
<p>“Well, put it on…” Kenma urged and Kuroo quickly slipped the necklace over his head, holding the button up to continue gaping at the simple button that held immeasurable meaning. A few moments passed before Kuroo noticed another detail on the button that he had previously missed. On its face, Kenma’s name was etched into the surface. He snapped his head up to look at Kenma, who pulled a matching necklace up from under his shirt, light glinting off of Kuroo’s name in the face of that button.</p>
<p>“Why?” Kuroo asked after he was finished looking at each of their own buttons. He tucked his own necklace under his shirt, as did Kenma. Kenma shrugged as a slight blush crawled onto his face.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know how else to tell you I love you.”</p>
<p>Years later, Kenma and Kuroo were living together happily in an apartment in a large city. Kuroo was a somewhat established businessman and Kenma was finishing up college while also juggling a youtube channel and his position as founder and CEO of his own company. Needless to say, life was pretty hectic for the lovers, but they made time for each other no matter what.</p>
<p>One such instance was a Wednesday on which Kuroo had asked Kenma out on a date. Why a Wednesday? Kenma had no clue, but Kuroo had been planning this date for months, and the day had finally come. They weren’t really ‘going out’, per se, but they ate a cozy dinner together and enjoyed their time together. After their meal, Kenma went to settle on their couch while Kuroo took care of the dishes.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you don’t want any help?” he called from a few rooms over. Kuroo assured him that he was alright and Kenma decided to browse through Netflix for a movie they could watch together. Kuroo peeked his head past the doorway for a moment.</p>
<p>“I’ll be right there, Kitten. Don’t start anything without me!” Kuroo quipped with a smile as he headed to their bedroom.</p>
<p>“I won’t!” Kenma shouted after him, turning back to the tv before giving up on his search for a halfway decent movie and turning the electronic device off. Kuroo’s face held a questioning look when he walked back into the room with a plain file box.</p>
<p>“No good movies?” he asked after he’d settled onto the plush sofa.</p>
<p>“Nope,” was Kenma’s reply. “Anyway, what’s in the mystery box?”</p>
<p>“Well, come open it and find out,” Kuroo retorted with a Cheshire grin.</p>
<p>Kenma rolled his eyes but crawled over to Kuroo nonetheless. When Kenma was comfortably laying against Kuroo, his back to Kuroo’s chest, he took the box and opened it. In the box was every letter the two men had exchanged throughout their lives. As Kenma took the first few letters out, he realized they were in chronological order and laughed.</p>
<p>“You’ll always be a nerd, won’t you.”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t want me any other way,” Kuroo declared.</p>
<p>For the next few hours, Kuroo and Kenma read through each letter one after another. They laughed, cried, smiled, cringed, winced, giggled, and overall just appreciated how far they’d come, both themselves as people and together as a couple. The last letter Kenma pulled out of the box was the most recent: the letter Kuroo wrote for Kenma before moving away for college. Kenma smiled fondly and shook his head as he reread the letter that ultimately brought them closer and spurred their current relationship into existence. After he finished looking over the last letter, Kenma set it atop the others on the coffee table next to them and twisted in Kuroo’s lap to look at him.</p>
<p>“Why did you bring these out all of a sudden?” Kenma asked with a wide, albeit confused, smile.</p>
<p>Kuroo gave kenma a knowing look and simply instructed Kenma to “Look in the box again.”</p>
<p>Kenma’s brow furrowed , but he complied, checking the box he had assumed to only hold letters and fond memories. There in the bottom of the nearly empty box were two golden rings, each hanging from their own golden chain. Kenma’s breath caught in his throat and he froze, unable to do anything but stare at the jewelry and hope that it meant what he thought.</p>
<p>Kuroo let out a small laugh at Kenma’s reaction while he lifted the shorter man off of his lap and stood, setting Kenma gently back onto the couch and moving the box onto the coffee table. Kuroo took one of the necklace rings from the box and dropped onto one of his knees.</p>
<p>“Kozume Kenma, you are the light of my life. You push me to do my best. I’ve known you for as long as I can remember, and I couldn’t imagine a life without you if I tried. Throughout my entire existence, I’ve laughed, cried, shouted, smiled, and lived all for you. I played video games for you. I pushed myself as hard as I could in volleyball for you. I got the best job I could to provide for you, even though you ended up doing better than I ever could have imagined in that regard. I’m here for you, and I want to be here for you for the rest of our lives. Kozume Kenma, I think I finally figured out how to tell you I love you. Will you marry me?”</p>
<p>Kenma nodded shakily and bowed his head for Kuroo to slip the necklace over his head. When Kuroo let go of the necklace, Kenma picked up the other one and put it around Kuroo’s neck. Kuroo had thought of everything, anticipated every scenario down to the last detail. Kenma knew why he chose to put the rings on gold chains; not only to match their second button necklaces, but also out of respect for Kenma’s desire for privacy. If Kenma wore a ring on his finger, someone would inevitably notice in one of his videos and he would be overwhelmed with questions about his personal life and his partner, which Kenma did his best to avoid at all costs.</p>
<p>As Kenma moved to tuck the gold band under his shirt, he noticed an odd glint from the light in the room on it. Taking a closer look, ‘I love you’ could be read in an elegant font on the inside of the ring. When Kenma looked to Kuroo, Kuroo showed a matching inscription on his own ring and tears began to fall from Kenma’s eyes. Kenma leapt into Kuroo’s arms and smothered him with affectionate kisses, pulling away only when he felt he had sufficiently expressed how thoroughly delighted he was.</p>
<p>Once they separated, they each tucked their ring into their shirt and savored the slight chill of the cool metal against their chest, hovering very near their hearts as if to burn the words ‘I love you’ into their skin so neither would ever forget.</p>
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